Thoughts As I Turn 21

I am turning 21 this month and I feel like I'm not that ready. But I also believe that there is no time to be prepared, that time is now.

Living for almost 21 years on Earth is such a fun roller coaster ride. I've had so many experiences, sad and happy. I've met a lot of people. I've got a lot of friends. I learned some new hobbies. I've watched a lot of movies and series. I have learned different languages. I found things that I enjoy doing. I've discovered my personality more. I've been to so many different, beautiful places. I've encountered so many life lessons. I've encountered so many challenges. I have eaten so many foods. I have drunk so many drinks. I have done so many things. I've felt different emotions. I felt sad. I felt happy. I felt anxious. I felt embarrassed. I regret some things. I felt alone. I felt excited. I felt different. I felt like I am not enough. I felt like this world was too cruel for me. I felt like I don't belong here. I acknowledged those things. I have learned the hard way that everything that I have right now is enough, that I am enough, that all those thinking, all those worries are all just in my mind.

Yes, I am turning 21 this month and it is inevitably happening. So for now, instead of being afraid, I want to list out things I have accomplished in almost 21 years.

Emotional

This past few weeks after reading the book Everything Is F**ked by Mark Manson, I learned that my feeling brain is controlling me. Most of the time. And I guess it is inevitable. We, humans, make decisions most of the time based on our feelings or emotions alone. Maybe because we are trying to avoid hurting ourselves or anyone around us. And in my life, I learned that making decisions based on my emotions only is not a good idea. The feeling brain should always have a good partner, which is the thinking brain. And for these past few years, I've been practicing that. When I was younger, I was always dependent on my parents. I would always ask them first before I make a decision. But now I realize that. I should not be super dependent on them. I am already a young adult and I have a lot of responsibilities. They wouldn't always be there to help me make decisions, right?> I have to decide for myself.

Mental

I think this is the most important aspect of our life. We should always be in a good mental state wherever we go or whatever we do. It's just that important because you carry it all around you. Since we were younger, our minds have worked hard for us. It has been thinking nonstop even when we were sleeping. I learned that we should always protect it, no matter what. We should always nurture it. And the best thing is that I learned how to meditate. I learned how important meditation is. Before, I thought that meditating was only for monks. And it was such a boring thing. But when I started doing meditation, my life changed. I always feel refreshed. It teaches me to be calm. And I guess that is the best gift I've given to my mind.

Spiritual

When I was younger, I had taught how to pray. And since then, I didn't stop praying every day. Well, I don't know for some people. We have our own different beliefs and different religions. Throughout my life, I just learned that no matter what religion someone belongs to, we should respect them as humans. There have been so many debates about whether God is real or not. But I don't really care. For me, the most important thing is that praying gives me hope.

Physical

I've been insecure about my body. Do you know these social standards of beauty? Do you know how manly a boy should be? Because if you're a guy and you don't look manly, you will be treated differently. I heard those voices when I was younger. Because I did not enter the standards of being manly. My mom told me when I was a baby, a lot of people mistaken me for a girl. Also, growing up. I've been with my aunts and my girl cousins. So maybe those are the reasons. Well, I also have a lot of guy friends but I did not play with them that much. I just thought that they were too aggressive for my personality. The boys punch each other. They think they are robots and let them throw the balls at their face. I'm also not sporty. I always prefer to be just at home - in my comfort zone. But things do change. The things before do not seem right now. My mindset has changed. I just stopped caring at all. I just stopped comparing my body to others. The body that I have right now is enough. It took me to places. It lets me eat delicious food. It lets me dance in the shower. It lets me sing in the karaoke. It lets me jump and shout. It lets me hold the hands of people I love. It lets me see, smell, touch, taste, and hear things. It might not be perfect, but it is enough. It keeps me safe. These past few months, I have been keeping my exercise habit which pushes my body to be in better shape. I can feel the benefits now. I'm a working-in-progress.

For one thing, I guess it is normal to feel anxious when a birthday comes closer. I'll be 21 this month, and just like what I did before I turned 7, I'll keep wishing on the stars and stay young. Hey! I know I am afraid, but I am excited to enter the new doors I have yet to see.